How Too Much Daydreaming Affected Me

I think I'm grappling with a cognitive phenomenon termed Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD). It's uncharted territory - not officially recognized, hence, there are no formal diagnostic criteria. But the core concern here isn't about ticking off boxes on the MD checklist; I don’t care whether I’m precisely MD or not. it's about understanding how pervasive daydreaming influences my life and productivity.

Does this sound like masked ADHD? I asked myself the same question. However, after cycling through numerous ADHD treatment protocols - from extensive therapies to high-dosage medications - my cognitive acuity remained unaltered, and there was no tangible progression. It felt akin to executing null operations in a code.

Interestingly, the MD paradox points towards an unintended consequence of ADHD treatment - it could potentially amplify daydreaming, a peculiar side-effect I noticed while medicated with methylphenidate. In essence, ADHD medication might turbocharge MD.

My daydreaming isn't merely a passive pastime. It interrupts my daily tasks, making conspicuous appearances. Often, I find myself vocalizing thoughts, not as a narration of my actions, but broadcasting the intricate details of my daydreams. I often find myself taking spontaneous walks, even breaking into a run sometimes. Might seem like random movements, but it's my vivid daydreams pulling the strings. I can suddenly burst into laughter or find myself pacing in circles.

This immersive daydreaming often pulls me out of reality's context. I've bumped into walls a lot when turning corners in hallways because my mind was somewhere else. Moreover, my capacity for automatic or subconscious remembering, a feature almost built-in for most people, seems to be impaired. For instance, remembering routes or even simple details like the layout of a frequently visited place demands active processing from me, unlike the autopilot mode many rely on. Keeping up with lectures or comprehending simple instructions can be an uphill battle, but manageable if I can process info at my own pace.

My daydreams are ever-present companions. They interrupt my train of thought, often causing me to pause and backtrack to recollect my previous thoughts (jotting them down helps). And while maintaining a daydream journal is a popular strategy to manage this, it hasn't dwindled my daydreaming frequency. In fact, it seems to fuel it by rendering the imagined more tangible (although jotting down thoughts does help me move past recurring ideas and save intriguing ones for later).

Even simple tasks, which involve a few steps (like taking medicine or changing clothes), can turn into a time-consuming endeavor due to the interruptions caused by daydreaming. For instance, after taking medicine once with water, I often get ensnared by my daydreams, and in that trance-like state, I might consume more medicine, only to get lost again in another daydream. The whole process of taking the medicine thus keeps extending as I am repeatedly trapped in my imagined narratives. Similarly, changing clothes can take more than an hour. Sometimes, I don't manage to complete the task at all. My daydreams, triggered in the middle of these tasks, can consume hours, if not the entire day. This isn't an occasional occurrence; it happens frequently when performing simple tasks. The only way I've found to resist this is by intentionally gathering my focus and directing it toward the task at hand. However, this often proves to be a challenge as my attention is consistently split between reality and the imaginative realm of my daydreams.

MD has profoundly influenced my life and workflow. This habitual disconnection from my immediate environment has, over time, shaped my identity, often making me feel like an outsider in various contexts. Especially, executing plans is a significant challenge for me. Since relying on sheer diligence isn't a viable option for me, I've pivoted towards devising solutions, often employing productivity hacks. Also, I've noticed that my ideas often diverge from the conventional ones.

Daydreams often serve as an escape hatch for me, replaying certain scenarios and providing an alternative to reality. They also fuel a spectrum of ideas, some unique and potentially valuable. However, leveraging these ideas is challenging due to MD's impact on my execution ability, and some ideas turn out to be bullshit due to being originated from my insufficient knowledge base. Still, I see this as a reservoir of untapped potential, a stepping stone toward future innovation.

There are periods of respite from MD, particularly when I'm engrossed or in social interactions. Of late, I've noticed some progress; Some of the most bizarre symptoms have subsided, though the duration and intensity of my daydreams persist.

Tackling MD is akin to traversing unexplored terrain, given the scarcity of research. Two theories are popular among the MD community. One attributes MD to a lack of emotional nurturing in childhood, leading to issues in emotional expressivity. It advocates emotional engagement with real life as a potential solution. The second theory suggests that daydream immersion is an innate trait and MD develops when people with this trait become addicted to daydreaming due to unfortunate real-life circumstances. As such, this theory recommends treating MD as an addiction.

Personally, mindfulness meditation helps me retain my attention. I also invest effort in expanding my knowledge base to sift through ideas and separate substance from fantasy. This grounding in knowledge enables my future ideas to elevate above the realm of pure imagination. But I'm still attempting to decode and grapple with it.

(For clarity, it's important to underline that MD-affected individuals can clearly differentiate between reality and daydreams.)